DISTANT

Lola Ekwalla

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I felt so unsure and confused. Why couldn’t she approach me with warmth and caress? Maybe it was I that needed to do the same. Why is life so complicated? Why are things so complicated? What are these feelings? I don’t understand them, but I want to. Feeling so alone is something I despite, wanting someone else is another road to take. I can’t get her out of my mind. Her beauty is of a goddess, her skin ever so soft, and her lips douce with pleasure. That’s all I can think of. Day and night. She is poisoning my mind like—

 

“Are you alright Reece?” Jandro said, as he looked at me dumb founded. The muffled voices of the students around the campus snapped me back into reality. I did it again, I zoned out and all I could think about was her sweetness. I looked at him, from the corner of my eyes nodding.

“You’re thinking about her again aren’t you, please tell me you weren’t?” He said as he glared out into the campus’ field.

“Okay, I wasn’t.” I answered exactly how he questioned me. The clouds opened up its arm as the sun shunned right below us.

 

“Stop that sarcasm! Dude please get yourself together. I don’t know what you see in her, I mean she is—yeah, but still. It isn’t the time yet. We’re still too young for this.” Jandro’s words were hitting me like a bullet and it was true, but I didn’t want to deny the fact that she is right there, in my life, my soul. Her beautiful soul.

 

I laid back against the wall, grabbing my phone I looked through my notifications. One message caught my attention. It was her. She messaged me, but she never texts me first; unless she needed something. Sigh. In deed. I locked my phone back and placed it in my pocket.

 

“Are you even listening Reece?” Jandro’s hand waved across my face.

 

“Uh yeah, of course. You’re right. Maybe I don’t need her. She isn’t worth my time for the moment. All I need to do is forget.” I glanced at the sky for a moment then looked at Jandro, he nodded and patted my back.

 

 

“He still didn’t text back” I told Leanne as I glanced at my phone screen. “Why do I let myself feel these things? Why can’t I just not worry ‘bout this. I want to forget Lea!” my voice out grew the students’ voices in the cafeteria.

 

She shrugged. It wasn’t one of those “I don’t know” shrugs. It’s one of those “I understand but I can’t tell you why you feel this way or what to tell you” shrugs. I sighed, looking back at the disgusting school lunch that was staring back at me.

 

“You know what, I never understood love. What is that all about? How do you know you are in love or deal with these type of stuff?”

 

“Micah, stop complaining. Love comes in different ways for people. I understand that you don’t experience love at all or maybe feelings. You just go with how you think you feel but in reality, you aren’t even sure if that’s what you feel.” Leanne said with a serious remark across her face. She meant it. Every single words.

“Leanne?”

 

“Yes ma’am?”

 

“You understand me more than I do.” I scrunched up my lips, giggling a bit because it was true. I don’t understand love. I never experiences it, felt it or grasped it.

 

“Hey Micah.” I heard someone mentioning my name through this big crowd of noises. I recognized that voice. It was Nick. He approached me with a smile as he sat next to me. His arm slipped around my waist tightly. His voice was soothing when he called my name and his touch—why do I punish myself? I don’t want to hurt him… I can’t do that. I care too much to even try. How did I get in this situation?

 

“Nick, what are you doing here?” I looked at him concerned. His face soften as he planted a soft kiss against my cheek and grabbed my hand.

 

“I just wanted to see if you were okay, you seemed distant lately and I want to make sure my baby was alright.” His words, he always had a way with words sounding so good to make me feel safe. What did I do to deserve him?

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DISTANT